iva189

Я из Киргизии. Мой первый стих: «фонари горят / молча на нас глядят». Я люблю абсурд. Имею канал на youtub iva189. У меня 2 театральных образования: актриса театра кукол и режиссер эстрады. Пою свои авторские песни в музыкальной группе JaguarGaidar.

В настоящее время работаю в Доме культуры «Гайдаровец»: веду и организую благотворительные концерты в больницах, детских домах. хосписах и др.


Рассказ «Аким»

1. If it were two Akims, one will be eaten by a wolf, because there one is only one Akim, nothing can be done.

2. To tell you the truth, I want somebody tell him, that the Earth is round, he is still drawing it like harmonic.

3. Akim is putting his moustache into cherry–jam.

4. Akim swallowed a snake, now he is lying and thinking he is the snake.

5. Akim was named after a mountain. His father was riding with his dumb wife past by those mountains and said:“This mountain like a….” and died, and his wife said like Akim. And she had born Akim.

6. Akim has forty-four bicycles and they all without wheels! But Akim said that it was not necessary for bicycle to ride, to be a bicycle was enough.

7. Akim`s teacher of trigonometry sells Soybean groats.

8. Akim`s father once said: “If you want to have a house, built it, if you want to have children, make them. If you want to go in for art… he stopped and died.

9. In childhood Akim was frightened by grandfather’s elbow.

10. Akim woke up on the 23th of February and said: “perch is in watch”.

11. Akim has broken Akim`s collarbone.

12. There was a fish at Akim’s place, which could not be silent, and bursted with the sound “Ba”.

13. Akim loved milk until he saw it in his neighbor’s stomach.

14. “Hi Eggheaded!” They teased Akim in his childhood, but he answered nothing to his onelegged friends.

15. “Loneliness”: Akim said it is as yours mum…It is the same with everyone… Yocha is lonely… yes mummy? Don’t

be silent. -“Sonny, what nice blue gaiters I have bought”.

16. Akim stole up-right bolt and sold it, and bough naprimapara. Not a bad variant thought Akim and stood still.

17. Akim’s cousin decided to grow thin; he did not eat five years and died, when he was seven.

18. Silence. Akim is drinking milk in blue briefs.

19. Akim needed mobile telephone in order to ring up locusts, but locust did not take offend, when drunken Akim again and again rang up and asked: “Locust are you similar with your father or mother?”

20. “Yocho-ho”- cried parachute jumpers flying by parachutes…Akim did nothing. He sat, drank green tea and listened to Elvis Presly.

21. Akim saw the sea only at the meeting.

22. Akim found a friend, who was eating avocado at that time.

23. Once, Akim shouted at the station. “People! Save your souls”. Nobody mentioned it. I shouted too quietly, thought Akim.

24. Akim has never been to Copenhagen, but Copenhagen was always in him.

25. You are riding so quickly, I can’t catch up with your riding a horse… give a whistle just a little and you’ll become a speed. Akim told Barbara, she understood nothing, but she was a person.

26. “What kind of ears I have, when I ride a combine” – Thought Akim.

27. He switched on the tape-recorder. He is listening. Now he’ll spit, then he’ll ring up locust.

28. What’s the difference between a hell and a reptile, Akim thought, they are both in the head.

29. Hen’s legs look like stars for Akim.

30. Akim put on the tie and showed his tongue. You can’t see a tie, and the tongue is not so nice.

31. “The mushroom is on the camel. A camel is on the mushroom. Akim is in the room” (ancient proverb)

32. Akim gave Roma a whistle as a present. Roma asked him to go away with his whistle.

33. Akim did not like sour fruits, because when Barbara ate them, her face became two years older.

34. “Even Michael Jackson died”, Akim thought.

35. Barbara, tell me plaice, “Did you have such a situation?

You want to knit a hat, you take knitting needles, threads, then suddenly you break knitting needles, tear threads…”. ”No”, Barbara said, “If you are about broken combine, I still think it wasn’t you”.

36. — “Do you know Barbara, what is the most terrible for men? What? You run away, but nobody noticed it”. “sleep Akimushka.. sleep”. “ I can’t sleep when I am runnnnning”

37. Dogs ran after Akim and cried: “Meat! Meat!” but Akim gave them fruit and waffles.

38. Akimushka played garmoshka sad song nicely and so false.

39. The third day came, the whole village was afraid of Akim. Akim or not but chairmen of “ Woodbuilt” ZADOV.

40. “Barbara, when you take my hand, stand straight among people”.

41. “Why are you standing … come here!” As if they have never embraced Akim, as if they have never taken him by the hand, never sat with him at the hill, near milk factory. Oh! Oh! Oh!

42. You Barbara, you did not give a birth to a child, what for must I love you? In early days I loved you for beauty.

43. “To sleep and to become a pine-apple” – remembered Akim him grandmother words.

44. “You know Barbara”, Akim said such a thing. Space sometimes eats me. So Barbara stroked the space on its teeth. After that Akim could not see space for three days.

45. Akim hid behind the blue wardrobe, leaned against the cold wall, he breathed quickly, screwed up his eyes, bit his lower lip and he has been moaning quietly for last eight years.

46. Akim is the mad house, there he learnt to dance gypsy dance, when he wanted to fight.

47. “How did the man appear?” — Akim was asked. “I think first he didn’t appear, first they tortured him and then he appeared”.

48. He bought the flowers, brought, she was absent. It was time to think, he put on grand moms dressing-gown and put pelmeni on his face.

49. Akim sometimes wrote, sometimes ate, looked through the windows, sometimes he did nothing, stood still and heard luggage van passing.

50. Akim lives in everyone. But in Youcha self-interest lives.

51. I like khalva…I like khalva…I like khalva…

52. Once Akim was walking along the park. The elephant came-up to him and called him Igor. “You are mistaken” – Akim said. “But will you be so kind as to tell me, where the nearest bakery situated. A Man in the blue cap answered: “Two blocks straight, then to the left, then straight, and behind the red cabin there will be bakery”. “Thank you so much”, Akim said, but he went nowhere, it was snowing.

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