Елена Сазанович

Писатель, драматург, сценарист, член Союза писателей России, Редакционного совета журнала «Юность», редколлегии литературно-художественного журнала «Российский колокол», Высшего творческого совета Московской городской организации Союза писателей России, главный редактор международного аналитического журнала «Геополитика». Автор более 30 романов, повестей и пьес, изданных в России и за рубежом (Беларусь, Германия, Австрия, Швейцария, Чехия, США) во многих известных изданиях. В 1990 г. журнал «Юность» опубликовал повесть «Прекрасная мельничиха» (лауреат ежегодной литературной премии имени Бориса Полевого). За эти годы в журнале вышли 15 ее романов и повестей (Елена Сазанович — одна из самых публикуемых авторов «Юности» за все время его существования). В 1994 г. международный литературный журнал TRAFIKA (Нью-Йорк – Прага) издал «Прекрасную мельничиху» в английском переводе (лауреат ежегодной премии TRAFIKA). В 1995 г. латвийский журнал «Даугава» напечатал повесть «Циркачка или Страна желтых одуванчиков» (номинировалась на международную литературную премию «Букер»). В 1996-1998 гг. помимо участия в нескольких сборниках, вышли три ее книги: психологический детективный роман «Смертоносная чаша» (издательство «Локид») и два сборника повестей и романов – «Улица вечерних услад» и «Предпоследний день грусти» в серии «Очарованная душа» издательства «ЭСКМО-Пресс». В 1999 г. немецкое издательство Еrnst Klett Verlag выпустило отдельной книгой повесть «Я слушаю, Лина…» в серии «Книга для чтения», предназначенной для изучающих русский язык в колледжах Германии, Австрии и Швейцарии. В 2002 г. издательство «Вече» издало психологический детективный роман «Город призраков», а литературный альманах «Подвиг» — журнальный вариант романа «Смертоносная чаша». В 2003 г. повесть «Нечаянная мелодия ночи» опубликовала «Роман-газета». В 2004-2005 гг. по повести «Я слушаю, Лина…» сняты два художественных фильма: «Неуправляемый занос» (реж. Г.Шенгелия, «Центр национального фильма», Москва) и «Пока я с тобой» (реж. В.Ковалев, Одесская киностудия). В 2006-2010 гг. литературный альманах «Подвиг» издал в журнальном варианте романы трилогии «Иная судьба»: «Перевернутый мир», «Всё хоккей!» и «Гайдебуровский старик» (полностью опубликованные в «Юности» в 2010-2013 гг.). В 2007 г. пьеса «Аукцион» вошла в десятку лучших драматургического конкурса «Действующие лица» (2010 г. – пьесу поставил московский театр «Образ»). Автор ряда публицистических проектов, в частности: 2007 – 2008 гг. – еженедельной рубрики «SMS-календарь» («Литературная газета»), 2012 – 2016 гг. – ежемесячной рубрики «100 книг, которые потрясли мир» («Юность»). В 2006 и 2007 гг. включалась в альбом-ежегодник «Женщины Москвы»; награждена золотой медалью и премией имени Михаила Ломоносова; литературно-общественной премией Союза писателей России «Светить всегда» и орденом «В.В. Маяковский»; литературной премией имени Н. В. Гоголя в конкурсе «Лучшая книга 2008-2010 гг.»; дипломом Всероссийского литературного конкурса им. Клавдии Холодовой; премией «Новый век. 2012» Международного форума «Диалог цивилизаций и культур»; премией журнала «Юность» им. Валентина Катаева. Победитель Всероссийских конкурсов СМИ «Патриот России»: за серию эссе «100 книг, которые потрясли мир» в 2014 г. (гран-при основной номинации «Моя Россия») и в 2016 г. (номинация «Мы – россияне!»), за лучшее освещение темы патриотического воспитания в 2015 г. (номинация «Моя Россия» за серию политических эссе в журнале «Геополитика» о проблемах искажения истории и попытках героизации нацизма).


Новелла «When We Do Not Love (Когда мы не любим)»

синопсис

Новелла-притча о любви и ожидании любви, о надеждах и разочарованиях, о нетерпении сердца и утраченных иллюзиях, о вечных ценностях и сиюминутных желаниях…

 

We did not love each other…

When you were leaving,I would not cry,I would not tear clothes on my chest.And I did not make evenany attempt to stop you from leaving.You would go and I have cuddled myselfcozily and,with my palms under my cheeks,would peacefully fall asleep.If you would not show up for a long time,I would not pace my room nervously,I would not freeze myself,listening to steps on the stairs,I would not jumpand run to every telephone’s ring.I was just forgetting about you.Cause,I did not love you.

Once I realised that the deepest love is the one which is not there.

You would come unexpectedly.Often not on the right time.Opening the door with your keys,you would throw your uniform cloak right in the ante-room.I would not run to you to put my arms around your neck,I would not dance happily and I did not pour onto you the flow of questions. I did not love you.

— Have you been waiting for me? — you would as,still in doors disheveling your unruly greyish hair.I have stubbornly shacked my head “no”.I have not been waiting for you.Cause,I did not love you.

You have always presented me with the huge ocean shell.Putting it to my ear,I was listening the distant ocean’s breathing,while thinking:” How the ocean looks like?..Well,some day,I will be there.Not with you,of course,but with someone,whom I will love”…

  • From the bottom of the ocean — handing to me the ocean shell,you would say proudly- I myself picked it up.
  • Well, -I would shrank my shoulders — was there but this the only shell on the bottom of the ocean ?
  • Why?There are millions of them.But I could not bring to you all the ocean…

And I was thinking ” Why not?The one, whom I love,will give me this gift of the ocean”. Then you’ve been talking on raging storms,on some mysterious ocean’s creatures,onwar’s heroic deeds and on your battle’s comrades. And you have never talked on love.You either did not love me at all.

  • Later,with my head on your knees,looking at your manly cheek-boned face and holding your strong muscular hands,I wandered: “Why? No,why I do not love you at all?”…You were mindlessly striking my hair. And with your wind’s bitten lips, tenderlytouching mine and listening to my hot breath,you were thinking :”why she does not love me at all?”…

That was another time,when we did not say a word to each other.Another time,when,parting, we did not kiss each other .Another time, when we just droppedbutthe single “bye” to each other.

Cause, we did not love each other.

Soon I met another man…He was not a captain.He did not wear the uniform cloak that smelled of salty winds and hot sands.He would not tell me on overseas adventures or on distant lands.He was total opposite to you.

And I fell in love with him.

He has never been late. Coming always sharp at 7 PM,he would wiped his lacquered shoes in the ante-room until they are shining again and would put accurately his white coat on the hanger.Then,still on the threshold,stressing every word, he would say:

  • I love you so much…

And he tenderly kissed me in the cheek…Then there would come dozens,no hundreds pleasurable words on love and on plans for ourfuture. I examined fine lines on his face,looked at his musical fingers,holding affectionally the little velvetbox with the diamond earrings,thinking “oh, how much I love him”.He has never sailed to the sea.So,there was no anguish feelings of waiting for him. And he was alwayson time. It was quite comfortable…

He has never presented me with ocean shells and did not entertained me with the tales of the distant seas.He just simply shown to me the ocean.

…Spoiled with love,I was sitting on the warm,soft sand,watching ships,sailingsomewhere.On the one of those there could,probably,you…You have been working on the ocean and you therefore thought that the ocean belongs to you.And my new friend just gave it to me.Iwas thinking how good it is that I do not love you. And how wonderful it is that I love another man…

As usually,you called unexpectedly.As usually, when I have not been waiting for your call. Chocking from the excitement,you joyfully started to tell me on your beautiful ship and on your devoted and fearless crew.Not a word on love. You did not love me at all.

— If you only could know how beautiful the ocean is! If you only could see it just once! — you cried to me joyfully — Some day I will introduce you to it. I know that it will like you!…You will like it to!

You were talking again as if you own the ocean.You could not know that I have already got it as a gift.

— I was already introduced to the ocean.And it did not look to me beautiful.It rather dangerous and even a little wicked.I have no doubts that it liked me.Though it was another man, who introduced us.

-Oh…I see. That anther man, probably,does not wear the uniform cloak,does he? He does not present you with ocean shells,does not speaks on heroical deeds and makes no mistakes. And he,certainly, does not own the ocean or a ship…

  • He owns the car. He keeps his feet on the ground.He is staying firmly on the earth. And here,on the earth,there is no swinging and we are not in danger of drawing. He speaks on love.He loves me.
  • -Well,I am very happy for you.I don’t think that you and me will have regrets…We know that we did not love each other.Okay…So,may I give to you this very rare ocean shell?In this shall there is not only the ocean’s breathing.There isalso a lot of the earth life, too… The ocean anyway ends up on the earth.The space, probably equally shared. In this shell you will hear the rustling of the foliage,water drops’ tinkling,the cry of the rain,the moaning of the wind and the chirping of birds And in the shall like that there is the someone’s love hidden Not ours,I know…

You were spoking feverishly,stumping with words.As if you were ashamed of those beautiful words,which are so unbecoming for you.

-Of course not ours — I agreed- since there was never love between us to share.

-So long — you said -I am sailing now to the sea.Not for a long though.We will see each other after.Not for a long,too.Let it be the last time.For I think that I do not love you either.

In a moment I already forgot on our conversation.I have not been waiting for you.

Yes, I did not love you at all.I loved another man.The man I loved had the white coat and the polished shoes.The man I loved was not proven neither to mistakes, nor to heroical deeds.I loved the man,who showered me with the shining diamonds and with not less shining words of love.

You did not come back. The week has passed, then a month…

By accident I learned from the radio news that you perished.

…I did not bumped my head against the wall,I did not cry to heavens from pain and I was not stonewalled withthe grief.

I just walked with you.

I passionately needed to tell you that talking “no love”is alsothe Love’s talking…And it is not known which one is stronger.

…Somewhere,on the bottom of the ocean, there is the rare shell,wherethesomeone’s love has found the shelter to stay.It might be ours.

But no one is here anymore to get it from there.

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